Tuesday, February 17, 2009
May the impact of the profound truths written by George Carlin, be influential in opening our eyes and making changes in our day to day living. This is a master piece.. If you have not read it take the time to read it now. If you have read it take time to read it again!
GEORGE CARLIN (He recently died)
Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate..
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side..
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent..
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't share this to people.....Who cares?
George Carlin
*
There were two nuns..
One of them was known as
Sister Mathematical (SM),
And the other one was known as
Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark
and they are still far away
from the convent.
SM:
Have you noticed
that a man has been following us
for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants.
SL:
It's logical.
He wants to rape us.
SM:
Oh, no!
At this rate
he will reach us
in 15 minutes at the most!
What can we do?
SL:
The only logical thing to do
of course is to walk faster.
SM:
It's not working.
SL:
Of course it's not working.
The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.
SM:
So, what shall we do?
At this rate he will reach us
in one minute.
SL:
The only logical thing we can do is split.
You go that way and I'll go this way.
He cannot follow us both.
So the man
decided to follow
Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical
arrives at the convent
and is worried about what has happened
to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM:
Sister Logical!
Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL:
The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,
so he followed me!
SM:
Yes, yes!
But what happened then?
SL:
The only logical thing happened.
I started to run as fast as I could
and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM:
And?
SL:
The only logical thing happened.
He reached me.
SM:
Oh, dear!
What did you do?
SL:
The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.
SM:
Oh, Sister!
What did the man do?
SL:
The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.
SM:
Oh, no!
What happened then?
SL:
Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up
can run faster
than a man with his pants down.
.... for those of you
who thought it would be dirty ....
*
TRICKING A NUN
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
*
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
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Joke 2 :
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
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Joke 3:
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife co uld see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what20happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
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Joke 4 - A Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly r eplied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
enjoy reading~
10:35 PM
